So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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