everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
