I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Found the puke drawer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
