I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
