he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
