i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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