Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
