he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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