Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
