You're completely useless in the revolution.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sext me about skeletons
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
