My room smells like vodka and shame
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
