what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
