You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
