I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
