My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
