My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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