I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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