is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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