would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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