I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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