I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think your dad took our porno
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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