I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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