New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
