The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
