He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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