I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
