I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
