Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
