My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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