I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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