just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
