So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
