I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
