cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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