I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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