Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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