Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
