im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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