You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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