Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
