If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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