Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
