Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
