good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
