Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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