She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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