So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
