She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
