I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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