She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
