TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
