i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
