I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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