i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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