Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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