I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
