No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
